The Theatre of Happy Endings

Somebody once told me about a project their student theatre group did, called the "Theatre of Happy Endings," in which they took classic tragedies and gave them happy endings. Like Oedipus - instead of blinding himself imposing self-banishment upon himself, they found a way to keep Oedipus in the town.

Well, that's kind of what I'm trying to do with my life right now - not that I'm expecting my life to turn into a tragedy, rather, I'm preventing it from becoming one. This, here, NOW, I need to make my life better, happier, more likely to succeed.

It's not easy for me, not at all. Because, when I was younger, I thought my life would turn out to be like Friends or Sex and the City or something like that, but that's not how life works. I don't have my Manhattan apartment with my five closest friends; I don't have the successful career, the multitude of men, the limo that picks me up to take me to the club. And I may never have either of those, and isn't that damn scary?

I'm graduating with my MA in five months. In fact, commencement is just 117 days away. Insane. And yes, I have another three weeks after that to complete my Comprehensive Exam and my Orals Thesis project, but still. What?

Where am I going? It's frightening to think that I'm going to be moving somewhere where I may not know anybody - again. Wasn't doing that in undergrad and grad school bad enough?  Not to mention the fact that I don't know where I'm going or what I'm doing. No clue. I've been firing off Cover Letters and Resumes, I've been in meetings and interviews and meeting with people about potential interviews, but nothing is definite. Nothing is certain. And I realize I might never have that group of friends that will just go cavorting in Central Park with me, or that I can sit around with sharing martinis and margaritas every night, or who I can meet for a quick afternoon lunch at Starbucks on 8th Ave.

To me, the scariest thing in life right now is being alone through any of this. And I realize I'm not alone, but my best friends are currently in Westport, San Francisco, and Harrisburg. And I'm in Philly, so I rarely get to see any of them. (In fact, the last time I saw one of them was Christmas 2011.) And that hurts me just a little bit. I have made a ton of friends while in grad school, but they can't compare, in all honesty. But I am simultaneously terrified and excited by the prospect of being alone, an unknown in a new place. The ideas of anonymity and obscurity both turn me on and make me nauseous. Because - who am I?

And I think that's what this blog is for. To discover who I am and what I really want from life.

And to find my happy ending through this crazy theatre life.